Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
