hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
