I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
