i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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