you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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