I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize