I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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