I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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