I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We need to get me chipped asap
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
