Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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