Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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