I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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