help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
