Whod you bang
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
