I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
