I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
