take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
