Say something about gay babies.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
