He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He better not be in your backpack
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
