im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
