go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
