I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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