So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
