Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
