his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
