okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
