when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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