When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
