The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
