1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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