This is not my ceiling
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
