Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
this just has baby written all over it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
