Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize