if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
