Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
