i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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