Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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