Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
