Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
