He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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