I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
