That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
