is your mom at the bar?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
