It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
