unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
