i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
NoShamevember. You game?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
