Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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