I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize