I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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