I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
