the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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