he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
