He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
