arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
there is glitter all over my balls
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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