Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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