youre lurking in front of me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
