He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
