Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize