there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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