Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
