At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
