there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
