I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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