the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
