Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize