Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
