hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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