I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
