I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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