Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
