My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
