mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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