Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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