tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
