You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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